Emotion Regulation Skills for Ethically Non-Monogamous Folks
One particularly crucial aspect of maintaining healthy and happy ethically non-monogamous relationships (ENM) is mastering emotion regulation skills. Let’s explore the importance of emotion regulation in these relationships and provide practical tips to help you navigate complex feelings.
Why Emotion Regulation Matters
Complex Feelings are Inevitable: In any intimate relationship, emotions like jealousy, insecurity, and fear can arise. In ethically non-monogamous relationships, these feelings may be more pronounced due to the presence of multiple partner(s).
Communication is Key: Ethical non-monogamy relies heavily on the three C's: communication, consideration, and consent. Effective emotion regulation ensures that these conversations are productive and respectful rather than reactive and hurtful.
Preserving Relationships: Unchecked emotions can strain relationships. Learning to manage these feelings can help preserve the bonds you share with your partner(s).
Remember that emotional growth is
an ongoing process, and with practice, your relationships can flourish.
Practical Emotion Regulation Skills
Self-Awareness: Understanding your emotional triggers is the first step. Are you prone to jealousy or insecurity? Knowing your emotional hotspots allows you to address them proactively. Reminder: jealousy happens and that’s okay!
Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation and deep breathing exercises, can help you stay present and avoid getting lost in a whirlwind of negative thoughts and feelings.
Communication: Regular, honest, and compassionate communication with your partner(s) is crucial. Share your emotions openly but without blame. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs while limiting “You” statements which remove any ownership over your own emotions.
Compersion: Embrace the concept of compersion, which is the feeling of joy that comes from seeing your partner(s) happy with someone else. Cultivating compersion can help counteract jealousy and insecurity.
Boundaries: Clearly define your boundaries and needs so you can communicate them to your partner(s). This not only helps you feel more secure but also ensures everyone is on the same page.
Seek Support: Reach out to friends, support groups, or an ENM affirming therapist (I love working with folks who are ENM) who understand non-monogamous relationships. Talking to others who have experienced similar feelings can be incredibly reassuring and creates a sense of community in a world that stigmatized non-monogamy.
Time and Patience: Emotion regulation is a skill that takes time to develop. Be patient with yourself and your partners as you navigate these emotions together.
